I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
