My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
3 2 1 whiskey
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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