I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
