Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize