Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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