Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
