You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
