i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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