My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My ass is underappreciated
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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