I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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