Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
