There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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