Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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