Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
