who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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