So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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