i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
