i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
