i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize