I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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