I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Randomize
