This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
