I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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