i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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