i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
