I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
