Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
