She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
