just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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