that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
