The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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