It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
