...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
