in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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