Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
