just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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