So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
