Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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