Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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