He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
