Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I miss vodka workout Fridays
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
