every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
