Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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