highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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