Please, let me fuck your mom
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
