Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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