The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
