His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
