Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
