I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
honey bunches of taint.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
