WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
