apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
