Swine flu is the new snow day.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
