Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I bet he comes in French.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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