Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
