do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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