I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
