Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
