Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
