his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
