First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
