I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
