You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize