I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
