you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
