she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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