i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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