It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize