you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
