we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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