Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
