i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Girls should come with a carfax report
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
organizing the empties. That sober.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
